Writing & Me; The Ugly That Is To Come.
You might start to read this and think, “ugh… here she goes talking about her birthday again…and age and trauma..writing about trauma,” etc. All the things I’m about to talk about, I’ve talked about before but I had to write this so I hope that you will continue to read anyways..
In my (almost) 28 years of being on this planet, I have learned that I trust too easily. I have also learned that, that quality will always bite me in the ass. I have learned that most people would rather that I stay quiet about how I feel and if I refuse, I will be seen as narcissistic or self obsessed, or even attention seeking and “dark.” This is not a pity party or anything, these are just observations… What I’m trying to say is; healing is hard.
When you go through trauma in your life, most people will not understand it. They will not understand how you feel, they will not “see” it for what you see it as. This is also true if you are a writer; people try to romanticize writing, romanticize healing with words, romanticize sad girls… They don’t romanticize angry girls though. They don’t romanticize non-linear healing. They don’t romanticize what writing as a way of healing actually is which is, trash, mostly. I’m not saying that all writing that comes from people who are healing is garbage but some of it is; I’d say a lot of it is. Some of it, is just rambling that leads to a keyboard covered in snot and tears… This is the reality.
I’m so angry when I see sadness romanticized, when I see girls who suffer from trauma made into things that need saving, I’m so frustrated that I once played into these kinds of ideas…but back to my birthday. I’m coming up on a brand new year on this planet and I’ve decided to be even more authentic than what I already have been in these past couple years. I’ve been working hard on myself. I have been doing the work but I never let myself get too “messy.” I never allow myself to be too “angry.” I still hold on to some fear of what others might think of me and I’m making a promise to myself, that this year, I will let this go.
I’m going to write more. I’m going to write raw. I’m going to write angry. I’m going to write through my healing. All of it. I’m going to write.
If you’re on the same page as me, I hope that this blog post resonated with you. I hope you know that you’re not alone. I hope you know we can get through it all and that we can manifest our dream lives, happiness, self love, and true fulfillment. So, hold on. Keep going. Keep crying, screaming, laughing, dancing, meditating, whatever you do! Be angry, be sad, be happy, be everything you want to be. Please. We are magic.
Here are a few of badass women who recently have inspired me to continue to write and heal through their poetry.
